Colors of Release

cast glass, etched glass, low-fire porcelain, fabricated steel, brass, sound

9x3x4 in / 22.9×7.6×10.2 cm

To view the piece with sound element, please click here

I am the source for my life and it’s all rooted in choice.

The past few weeks I have been focusing on the concept of release. I am not talking about forgetting, ‘moving on’, or any other platitude. I am referring to an intentional practice of releasing my grip on dreams that are gone, letting go of a life that has vanished. Release is also about creating space for what’s next.

For months I’ve grappled with Tennyson’s words about how it is “better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” For a long time I resented them and wasn’t sure if I agreed- I could have lived without the intensity of this excruciating pain, debilitating confusion, paralyzing numbness, and suffocating emptiness. On one hand, it was the best years of my life. From a different view, if I had never met him, I wouldn’t have known what I was missing out on nor would I be in this grief space now.

Now that I’ve spent time with it, I can now say that I would rather have had just three days with Nadr than a lifetime in a bland relationship. I’d rather have lived and loved fully for a few days than have had a life of mediocrity. Though it feels much shorter, I had four years. I am choosing to expand to contain all the light and love we shared while being with all that comes with the beauty and magic of what once was.

This piece is about the process of releasing, opening up, letting go, which at the same time creates space for peace to flow in. It is cyclical, endless, a practice. Each moment is a choice.

The sound element in this piece is a collaboration with my dear friend Matt, who plays Shinobue. The water sounds are from a saltwater ritual we had for Nadr. Thank you @hinoki33hibiki for your love, support, and creativity.

Shedding tears like layers

layers like tears

i n h a l e e x h a l e

breath goes

in out

open up let go

receive release

drip drop

moment by moment

breath by breath

tear by tear

release.